You can have peace right now. It doesn't matter how chaotic things are in your life right now. If you want peace, you must be willing to change your attitude and perception about everything that you find wrong or missing in your life. The most important lesson in life is that we can't change other people, their behavior or external circumstances outside ourselves. The key to peace is changing our emotional response and reaction to the outside world.
We can't judge any situation or the person in any way. Most of us grew up learning to perceive everything as either right or wrong. If we didn't agree with what somebody said or did, then that person was wrong. If that person won't stop doing whatever it is that we don't like, then we believe the worst about that person. We start to make character judgments about the person. Most of us believe that our peace of mind will improve if that person stops doing whatever annoys us.
What if we learned to change our perception and reaction to the person and their behavior? What if the person wasn't being a jerk or totally wrong? What if there was a logical, innocent explanation for everything that the other person was doing? Could we learn to forgive them instead of being angry with them?
I learned this lesson the hard way with my upstairs neighbor, who lived alone and allowed her dog and cat to run freely in her bedroom in the overnight hours. I would be awakened by the sounds of the pets running and jumping around during the wee hours of the morning. I grew very upset with my upstairs neighbor for her disregard for me and my right to get sleep without interruptions from her pets. To make matters worse, she continued to allow the pets to run around after I complained to her about the problem anyway. I immediately characterized her as a rude person. I couldn't feel at peace at home as long as she was still living above me and allowing the pets to run amok.
I realized that this situation was a losing battle that I couldn't win. I slowly (I do mean a slowly) began to change my perception of my neighbor and her actions. I noticed that she had very few friends in her life. She seemed to repel people in the apartment complex who were trying to be friendly toward her. She stayed home in her apartment during holidays rather than visit family and friends. She rarely had guests over. She seemed to be totally alone. I realized that her pets were her family. She needed to have them close to her while she slept. It probably made her feel safer, more secure and less alone having her pets nearby. She wasn't willing to shut her bedroom door and keep her pets away because they were all that she had.
Once I saw the situation from a different perception, my frustration and anger with her evolved into compassion. I still didn't agree with the pets running around and waking me up, but I knew she wasn't trying to deliberately harm me. Her actions were more about fear. She felt alone and her pets provided company. She was afraid of being alone.
It is all in perception. We immediately try to make the other person the villain. Often, people are not intentionally trying to hurt or annoy us with their actions. They are simply trying to do the best that they can. Usually their actions are more about them and less about us. Fear is often the underlying reason for other people's actions and words. Very few people are intentionally trying to ruin our lives. We may think that everything that somebody says or does is about us, but it really isn't about us most of the time. 99% of what people say and do is about them--their fears, wants, and desires.
If we can learn to find an innocent reason for why someone may be doing something that we don't agree with, then we can diffuse some of the anger. In reality, we nor the other person is right or wrong. To have peace of mind, we must stop judging other people and their behavior. We must let go of the need and desire to change other people or attempt to get them to do what we want. We have to change the way we perceive their behavior, forgive them and let it go. It is wise to then ask God to create a solution that is a win-win for all parties.
We must learn to see that everyone is a teacher in our lives, even the most annoying people. Instead of getting angry at the person, ask yourself, "what is this person trying to teach me?". They could be teaching you to be more compassionate, loving and forgiving of others. Remember the solution to what seems to be annoying is to look inside yourself and change the way your see and respond to the situation.
Affirmations: I have compassion for others and myself. I see a whole new world by changing my perception. Everyone is a loving friend to me who sends loving thoughts of peace, well-being and happiness to me.
Copyright©2006 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved