Do you fear making the wrong decision? As a child, I remember watching my mother agonize over every decision she ever had to make. She was always afraid of making the wrong decision and having to live with the consequences of that choice. I grew up learning to fear making decisions, too. In some cases, my fear of making the wrong decision meant I didn't make a decision at all. I would wait later until I had more information in hopes of making the right decision. It never ever seemed like I ever had enough information to make the decision, so I would hold off action as long as I could. I realized that I couldn't go through all this agonizing fear with each decision I ever had to make in life. I couldn't put my life on hold any more.
In truth, there is never a right or wrong decision in life. Each choice simply has a different set of advantages and disadvantages. Every decision you make is right for that moment in your life. What is right for us often changes moment to moment as we grow and as our needs change. We start to believe that we made the wrong decision because we have changed.
You are always changing moment to moment. Your outlook changes from day to day. Your needs, interests and desires change, too. On a simple level, I had blueberry muffins for breakfast yesterday. Today, I'm choosing to have a bagel. My breakfast choice yesterday isn't wrong just because I don't want to choose it today. On a more complex level, I chose to become a government employee twelve years ago. Today, I choose to be self employed. My earlier choice wasn't wrong just because I wouldn't make that choice today. With all these changes happening within you, you really can't go back and second-guess choices you made earlier. You were at a different place in your life then. You made the choice that best fit where you were at that time. Now that you are at a different place, you might make a different choice.
Most of us fall into the second-guessing trap because we don't trust ourselves. We aren't quite sure if we can believe that we always know and have our best interests in mind when we make decisions. It is easy to second-guess ourselves because we don't really know who we are. We don't really know what we want or even what we like. We've grown used to allowing outside influences determine who we are supposed to be and how we are to live our lives. We believe that we have to live up to other people's expectations while ignoring our own completely. When we need to make a decision, we get confronted with our limited self- knowledge.
Whenever I have to make a decision, I remind myself that it is okay if I change my mind later. I can easily move off one path to another. I affirm: I trust my choices that I make moment to moment. This reminder helps me to actually make a decision instead of staying locked in fear and doing nothing at all. Nothing is ever really permanent. We have the right to change our minds as we need to do so.
Here's where it gets tricky. Our society creates the illusion that we can't change our minds. We're told that once we make a choice, we have made a commitment. If we try to change our minds, then we fear being labeled as a quitter or a person who can't commit to anything. We start to believe that we can't make new choices that reflect who we are today instead of who we were in the past. We believe that we have to stay committed to those earlier choices because we fear what others might think about us if we change our minds. This kind of thinking creates a great deal of pressure on us to make the "right" choice in the beginning since there is no escaping it later. If you accept this way of thinking as your truth, then you are taking away your options in life. You aren't allowing yourself the opportunity to grow and evolve.
Growing as a person and realizing that you want to go on a new path is not a bad thing. It is an illusion that changing your mind is proof that you made the wrong decision. Wanting to go in a new direction is a sign that you are growing and evolving as person. You are actually in touch with yourself and making choices that reflect who you are moment to moment. You are giving yourself the freedom to move on to new choices instead of staying locked to older choices that no longer serve your best interest.
We have also been taught that changing our minds is a sign that we are confused about what we really want. If you buy into this belief, then you are afraid to ever change your mind or even admit to wanting to change your mind because you don't want to appear confused to others. Life is always about freedom of choice. There are no rules governing how and when we make choices. We always have the freedom to change our minds. Moving in a new direction isn't a sign of confusion. In fact, changing our minds is the opposite. When we change our minds, it is clear that we are in touch with ourselves and our feelings about the options before us. We know what we want moment to moment. We have the courage to follow our instincts instead of staying locked to choices that we have already outgrown.
The idea that our preferences are changing moment to moment is scary for many of us. As we grow, we don't necessarily move away from all of our previous choices. Some choices continue to work for us as we grow while others do not. It is unwise to judge ourselves for growing and needing different choices later in life. Just learn to stay in the flow of your life and make choices that reflect who you are at this moment. Be open and willing to make choices now, even if you later outgrow those choices. Remember there are never any right or wrong choices.
If you find yourself making totally different choices than what you did before, don't fool yourself into thinking that your earlier choices were wrong. Those choices were right for that time in your life. Those choices were right for who you were as a person before. Now you are ready for different choices that fit who you are at this moment. Realize that as you continue to grow wiser and get to know yourself even better, you might make different choices in the future. If that happens, it is okay because you were never wrong in the first place.
Affirmations: Everyday, I am in the flow of my life. I make each decision with confidence. Every choice that I make honors my needs at this moment. As my needs change, I give myself permission to make new choices as needed.
Copyright©2006 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved