Forgiveness gets a bad name. Many people believe when we forgive, we are letting someone off the hook for hurting us. Forgiveness feels like a weak act while revenge seems strong. Most of us want some type of justice when we believe we have been hurt by someone else.
Maybe it's time to look at forgiveness in a new way. Forgiveness is one of the strongest acts that we can do for ourselves and others. Only forgiveness has the power to set us free and allow us to move on with our lives.
The inability to forgive takes away our power, our ability to be happy and live our lives in the present moment. When we are angry and bitter toward someone, we are emotionally locked in the past. We are still connected to that person and whatever they did to us. We aren't moving forward with our lives. We are just stuck in a dark, lifeless place of anger, resentment and bitterness. The light of joy and the promise of a better future can't come into our lives when we are stuck in the darkness of resentment. When we can't forgive, we are resigning ourselves to being the helpless, powerless victim who has no control over his/her life.
Forgiveness helps to cleanse our souls and hearts. Forgiveness sets us free from the darkness and allows us to step into the light of our lives again. Forgiveness restores hope, promise and joy back into our lives again. When we don't allow ourselves to forgive, we aren't hurting the other person. We are hurting ourselves. We are holding ourselves back in life. We are given so much promise in life. We can't live our best lives and be happy when we are unable to forgive others. To get more out of life and be happy, we need to be free of anger, resentment and blame. We are doing more harm to ourselves than what the other person ever did to us when we don't allow ourselves to forgive others. We always have the choice to forgive, no matter what someone has done to us. The bigger our hurt doesn't let us off the hook from forgiving the other person.
How do we forgive? We forgive by having compassion for the other people. When we understand their pain, we can see how they were acting out in pain. What these people did to us really wasn't about us; even though, it was directed at us. We weren't being punished or hurt for something we may have done wrong in the past. The people who hurt us, were acting from a place of hurt and pain. They were doing the best that they could with what they understood about themselves and life.
It is important to understand that most people are carrying emotional wounds from their past. Maybe they weren't loved enough or treated well in the past. Often other people have insecurities and feelings of inadequacy that influence how they treat other people. They have to treat someone else poorly so that they can feel better about themselves. They don't know another way to feel better about themselves. The way we treat other people is a reflection of what we think about ourselves and how others have treated us in the past. People who have hurt us haven't learned how treat themselves and others better. They may have been mistreated so badly that they don't know how to do any better. It is wise to have compassion for those who have hurt us because they are hurting from their emotional wounds.
As part of forgiving others, we can pray for other people to receive emotional healing. We can ask that they grow on a personal level, so that they begin to love themselves more and love others more. Forgiveness is not about vilifying the other person completely and absolving ourselves completely.
We are never helpless and powerless victims in any situation. I believe that our thoughts create our life experiences. What we believe and expect about life, other people and ourselves becomes real for us through our experiences. Our thoughts may have attracted some of our past hurtful experiences. We have to take responsibility for everything that happens to us. By that, I mean we have to take a closer look at our thoughts, feelings and expectations. If we are always expecting the worse, maybe it's time to start expecting something better. When we have been hurt, it is wise to ask, "Why did I attract this person into my life? What were my thoughts?" Often, if we dig deep enough, we will find that we had an expectation of being hurt or we believed that other people couldn't be trustworthy. Sooner or later, we found our experiences supporting our beliefs. In other words, our experiences served as proof for our thoughts.
Taking responsibility for everything that happens doesn't mean we have to blame ourselves for everything. We are always living our lives with what we understand and know about life at any given time. There may be times when we disappoint ourselves, but we need to forgive ourselves. We never intentionally hurt ourselves, even if it seems like we continue to engage in harmful behaviors or situations. We just haven't learned our lesson yet, so we have to continue going through the experience again until we learn the intended lesson. We must always have faith in ourselves.
Sometimes, we also get angry with ourselves for attracting hurtful people into our lives. We get angry at ourselves for trusting the wrong people. Just as we learn to forgive others, we must forgive ourselves. Every experience happens for a reason. There are no accidents in life. Often the people who hurt us are really our greatest teachers who are teaching us something to help us get more out of life. Often, what seems like a painful experience is really meant to teach us something that will help us take our lives in a new powerful direction. Our experiences are our greatest teachers. If we are spending so much of our emotional energy blaming ourselves and others, we can't see the true lesson from our experience. If we forgive ourselves and others, then we can clear our minds and discover the lesson of the experience.
Most important of all, don't lose faith in yourself. Always trust yourself, no matter how many painful experiences you experience. Forgive yourself and move on. It is wise not to take your experiences too personally. Life isn't against you. Simply see each experience as giving you a valuable lesson that will help you move further toward getting more out of life. A hurtful experience isn't an indictment against you or anybody else unless you turn it into one. It does no good to put yourself down by second-guessing everything you said or did up to this point.
If you can remember that your experiences are your life's teachers, then you can allow forgiveness to happen. There's no need to be angry at anyone else. Often, our greatest lessons can start out on a painful note, but we have to challenge ourselves not to get caught up in the anger and resentment trap. Move beyond it and find the lesson. Trust that everything in every situation happens for a reason--to teach you a valuable lesson about yourself and life.
Forgiving yourself is so important. We expect ourselves to be perfect in life. We expect ourselves to know all the answers and how to handle every situation beforehand. Life is really trial and error. We learn as we go along through our experiences. If we get hurt along the way, try being grateful for the hurtful situation and the people involved because they have become your teachers. Now find the lesson and move on.
Affirmations: I let go of the past through forgiveness. I forgive myself and others. Each day is a new beginning for me.
Copyright©2006 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved