No matter what is happening in your life, you always have a choice to see the good or the bad in a situation. Most of us have learned to focus on what we don't like and we quickly lose sight of what is going well for us. We easily get caught up in the cycle of endless complaining. When someone asks us, "How we are doing?," we see it as an open invitation to start complaining about how terrible our life is at this moment and worry about how terrible the future will be.
Recently, I aggravated something in my back to the point where I couldn't sleep comfortably at night. After several nights of not getting much sleep, I surprisingly found myself complaining about my back and my lack of sleep. I had forgotten that I still have a choice to focus on what is going well instead of what isn't going well. If I had allowed my thoughts to focus on the good in my life, then I would easily see that the pleasant outweighed the not-so-pleasant. There was no need for alarm or worry because I was truly blessed, even in the face of unpleasant and annoying minor back discomfort.
Good is staring you right in the face. It is all around you, but you've missed it because your mind has been focusing solely on the not-so-good stuff. I've found that life is sweeter and less stressful if we can learn to see and find the positive in every situation. There is always a good side in every situation, no matter how gloomy the details. If we can focus on the good, then we can get through the unpleasantness with a lighter heart. We can have hope and faith about the future because we know that the situation isn't as bad as it seems. There is hope for better days.
Most of us think that there is a pay-off for focusing on what isn't going well in our lives. We believe that we are grounding ourselves in reality. We believe the more think and talk about a situation, the better we can find a solution. The more we talk about what bothers us with others, we might be able to find a solution ourselves or from someone else.
We don't have to always talk about what isn't going well to be realistic. Everything we experience, see, feel and touch gets filtered through how we perceive it. Sometimes, we perceive more or less than what is exactly there. What is real is always changing based on our perceptions. We just don't pay attention to this process of how we perceive whatever is happening in our lives when it happens. I'm suggesting that we pay more attention to our perceptions and choose how we see our experiences more actively. We are so used to allowing our minds to focus on what we don't like automatically, but we always have the choice to see the positive.
Complaining means that we have chosen to see only what we don't like about a situation. We have unconsciously chosen to experience the situation as unpleasant instead of pleasant. Complaining is like shining a big spotlight onto the dark clouds within our lives--all we can see are the dark clouds before long. We can focus on what is going well while staying grounded in reality. I can choose not to focus and talk about my minor back problems and my sleepless nights. It doesn't mean that I'm in denial of what is happening to me, but I want to put my energy on something that has the power to energize me. Complaining is a cousin of whining. Nobody ever gets energized from whining--it takes energy away from us physically and emotionally.
In my humble experience, complaining about what is wrong doesn't make it better. The more we share with others about our problems, then they start talking about their problems. All we get is one big conversation about problems with no solutions in sight. Emotionally, complaining drains our minds and bodies. We feel tired and sluggish. We pity ourselves as our problems start to seem larger-than-life with any possible solution seeming farther away. Complaining traps us into a big wind tunnel of negativity that only continues to grow until we change our focus to what is working well.
Complainers don't make good company. As a complainer, you attract other complainers. Before long, all of your conversation seems to focus on doom and gloom, which becomes very depressing. You can easily start to lose hope for better days. You can easily become an angry, victim who believes that Life is working against you instead of for you. Your misery expands the more your mind sinks into the lows of complaining. Sooner or later, you might find that you have fewer friends around.
The more you complain, you will drive away people who make a conscious effort to focus on whatever is going well in their lives. I have given up friendships with certain people because every single time that I talked to them, they would always complain. After talking with these people, I found myself feeling fearful, worried and down about myself and my life. I was worried that whatever problem they had, could happen to me. Now I have made a choice not to allow anybody else's negativity to enter and stay in my mind.
Let me challenge you to take a totally new approach with your life. Today, every time you catch yourself thinking about what isn't going well, stop yourself. Now think about something that is going well, no matter how small or insignificant. If I have a sleepless night that nets me less than eight hours of sleep, I'm grateful for how many hours of sleep that I do get. I remind myself that I did get enough sleep instead of worrying about not getting enough. Focus on the good in every situation.
Get in the habit of being grateful for what is happening in your life, even if everything isn't going the way you want. When I wake up in the morning, I have started to list several things that I'm grateful for. Sometimes, my list includes material items that add comfort and convenience to my life, but I make a conscious choice to include circumstances, personal qualities, life experiences, accomplishments and even relationships. I also list whatever I'm grateful for as part of my bedtime prayer.
You can train yourself to find the good in your life. When you focus on what is going well in your life, you are making a choice to make your life larger than whatever temporary problems you may face. Even if you face unpleasant circumstances that you can't change, you can still choose to find the good in that situation. Focusing on what is going well will help you keep your problems in perspective with your life--you and your life are always larger and greater than any problem. Find the good and focus on it. Let the good energize you toward overcoming your problems and leading you toward solutions.
Affirmations: I see good in every situation. Good surrounds me everyday. I am blessed in endless and countless ways.
Copyright©2006 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved