Many of us look to others to give us a sense of personal worth and approval. If someone praises us, then we conclude that we are worthy. If someone compliments us, then we believe that we are worthy. If others approve with how we are living our lives, then we feel worthy and acceptable. The problem is what do we do think about ourselves in the absence of praise, acceptance and approval?
During my public health career, I never felt worthy or confident about myself and my abilities. Becoming a program director in my twenties, I never really felt like my colleagues supported me or valued the work that I did. No matter how hard I worked or what achievements I completed, I never felt like I had their respect. I always felt inadequate.
Once I left public health, I realized that I had allowed others to judge my worthiness. I had allowed others to make me feel inadequate. I had given other people's opinions power over me. I couldn't appreciate or even acknowledge how hard I had worked in that field. I couldn't celebrate the fact that I had doubled my program's grant budget, secured funding to do a mass media campaign and conducted a major research study with policy implications. I had done a good job. It didn't matter if my colleagues wanted to see a more experienced, older person with a medical background doing the job. My accomplishments were significant.
Worthiness is an inside job. We can't look to others to build up our worthiness. Others can't make us feel adequate either. Most of the time, other people are tearing down our worthiness either intentionally or unintentionally. We have to know that we are worthy to receive what we want from life just as we are. We don't have to earn our worthiness. We can't ever take away from our worthiness. It was there the moment we were born and it will be with us until we take our last breath. Our job is simply to accept our worthiness and not allow anyone to convince us that we aren't worthy.
We must approve of and praise ourselves. It doesn't matter what other people think about us. It matters what we think about ourselves. The moment we allow other people's opinions about us and how we live our lives to carry more weight than our own, then we are in trouble. We are giving away our power and creating a no-win situation. As long as we give our power to others, we are robbing ourselves of joy, peace of mind and self confidence.
We have to learn how to believe in ourselves and trust ourselves. We know ourselves better than anybody else. Other people only see what we are willing to show them--they can't see our inner wisdom and our greatness inside us. They don't know all of the untapped talent, ideas and resources that we have within ourselves. We don't always know what exists within us until we meet experiences or put ourselves in situations that cause us to tap into the hidden, powerful inner levels of our soul. We are deep in talent and wisdom, which is simply waiting for the right circumstances to emerge. Others can't see or know that these deep reserves exist within.
If others judge us as unworthy, untalented and just wrong, then we can't emotionally accept those opinions as true fact. We speak and know our truth. Others don't know our truth. Most people are so heavily involved in their own personal dramas that they can't stop and see what good others are doing. People see us through their own emotional filters, which means that they often project their insecurities and inadequacies onto us inappropriately. If someone feels unworthy, then it is only natural for them to judge others as unworthy. If someone has not received praise or recognition, they can't give praise to others. If others have accepted the idea that they have to live a limited life script written by others as a way of getting approval, then they will force the same belief onto others. They can't emotionally accept the idea that others are more courageous and willing to live on their own terms than be limited by others. They simply want others to be limited just as they are.
Sometimes people don't want to praise us because they are jealous. They really do see just how talented, smart and wonderful we are. They see how we have a larger vision and we are capable of making that vision a reality. These people don't believe that they have any talent or a bigger vision for living. Thus, they believe that if they try to dim our light, then we won't live up to our talent and experience a larger vision. They want to hold us back because they don't believe that they can have more for themselves. If they can't do more with their lives, then they don't want anybody else to do it either. They see us as a threat or even a reminder of what they can't be.
How can we learn to believe in ourselves? Know that you are a complete and whole person who isn't lacking anything. Some of your past life experiences may have been limiting or unpleasant, but know that you are more than those experiences. You can never judge yourself by your experiences or circumstances. You are always free to move in a new direction with your life. You have countless talents that you haven't even discovered yet. You simply haven't tapped into your greatness yet, but you have greatness within you. Always remind yourself how great you are and how powerful your life is, regardless of what is happening now. It is never too late to tap into more of your greatness.
See your experiences as learning opportunities that are there to teach valuable, beneficial lessons to you. Nothing ever holds you back. If you have stumbled, you can always rebound. Learn to trust yourself by paying attention to your hunches. Do what you believe is right for you, even if you don't quite understand or see the big picture yet. Stop following the crowd and living your life from a one-size-fits-all approach. Your hunches will guide you. Pay attention to your intuition and feelings. If it doesn't feel right, then move on or don't do it at all. Seek your own advice instead of relying on others to tell you what to do.
Make your own choices instead of doing what others expect you to do. Honor yourself by making your own choices. Pay attention to your feelings and let them guide your life on the smallest to the largest levels. Stop running on automatic--get connected and in touch with yourself without other people's thoughts and opinions filtered into your thoughts. If you begin to connect with yourself and stay connected, then you will find it easier to be the judge of your life. You won't worry so much about what others think of you. You will be more focused on what you think about yourself and your life.
Give praise to yourself everyday instead of criticism. Allow yourself to experiment and learn how to do something new. Don't compare yourself and your abilities with others. No two people are ever alike. You are unqiue, so your experience and abilities are unique. Remind yourself just how wonderful and talented you are. Giving yourself praise isn't a sign that you are conceited or full of yourself. Talk glowingly about yourself to others. That's right talk yourself up! Give yourself a pat on the back for everything you do. Most importantly, don't always expect perfection. Allow yourself to learn and grow whenever you are doing something totally new. Always believe in yourself, even if others don't. Make your opinion of yourself be the one that matters. Tune out the naysayers.
Affirmations: My self worth rises everyday. I honor and recognize my special talents everyday in everything I do. I am a talented, gifted and smart person who has many opportunities ahead.
Copyright©2006 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved