The holiday season can be difficult for single people. When I was single and unattached, I used to dread the coming of New Year's Eve. It was a reminder that I was missing something very important in my life. There was no one special to celebrate the passing of the old year and the arrival of the new year. As usual, I spent my New Year's Eve at home watching Dick Clark on television and feeling just miserable about the state of my dating life.
I didn't realize the power of my thoughts back then. I was thinking of myself as hopelessly single. I believed that I was missing out on all the fun and excitement of being in a relationship during the holiday season. I felt denied by life. I felt so alone. I felt so incomplete as a person. I felt shortchanged by life with my negative thoughts. I was attracting more of that emotional misery for the new year.
I wanted to open up and share my personal experiences because I know many single people will feel miserable this holiday season. There is no reason to feel incomplete or hopeless because you don't have a date or that you aren't involved in a steady relationship at the holidays. Your life isn't over just because you don't have a date for New Year's Eve. Be hopeful because loving relationships are on the way to you.
I wish that I had been celebrating and appreciating myself during the past holiday seasons. I wish that I had been celebrating all the powerful lessons and ways that I had grown as a person as each year ended instead of crying foul that I didn't have a steady boyfriend. I wish that I had cherished the opportunity to ring in the New Year's with the most important person in my life--me. In all of my feeling sorry for myself, I wasn't honoring myself. I couldn't see how I was already complete whether I had a man in my life or not.
Nearly eight years ago, I decided to take a year off from dating, so that I could reconnect with myself and learn to love myself before I got involved in a relationship. It was the best year of my life because I discovered that I was already complete without a man. I discovered more of who I was which made me more confident and irresistible to men. It was so empowering to go out and enjoy myself instead of hunting for my next boyfriend.
For the first time ever, I had a clear idea about what I was really looking for in man and what I wouldn't accept. I really learned the value of being choosey about who I let into my life instead of being desperate and fearful of being alone. It is such a powerful place to approach everything in your life from choice and hope instead of fear and desperation.
I met my sweetie during my year off from dating. We simply got to know each without all the dating pretense. When we realized that we had a great deal in common and enjoyed spending time together as friends, it was a natural conclusion that we would give dating a try. In fact, we went out as friends for New Year's Eve and officially became a couple on New Year's Day. My sweetie was my first New Year's date. Who would have guessed that I would have my first New Year's date during my year off from dating? Powerful possibilities open up when we approach life from choice.
How can you celebrate being single? Understand that we live in a culture that doesn't always honor the individual. The message that we are told is that we need another person to be complete. We need another person to add meaning to our lives. None of this is true. If you believe this garbage, then you will be miserable like I used to be during the holidays and beyond. You are whole and complete at this moment, even if you don't realize it yet. You only add to your completeness as a person by living your life to the fullest. Stop believing you need someone else in your life in order for you to begin living your life to the fullest. Do it now!
Live to the fullest by seeking out new experiences. Seek out more for yourself and give yourself permission to go for it. Dare to dream big goals and go after them. Be willing to go out alone. Be willing to go after your dreams alone. Another person can't do anything for you that you aren't first willing to do for yourself. Pick up a new hobby. Take a class. Expand your cultural horizons. Try something that you have always secretly wanted to try now. Take a vacation alone. Go to a concert alone. Do whatever comes to mind that gives new experiences to you.
Get comfortable being with yourself. Being single isn't a reason to feel ashamed. Love and honor yourself. Understand that it is so wise and powerful for you to love yourself before you get involved with anybody.Get to know your true self. Learn more about who you are--your likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, and fears. Value and appreciate what sets you apart from others. Cultivate your uniqueness. Nurture your personal growth by challenging yourself with new experiences and change your perception about your experiences.
There's no need to be desperate for love. Desperation often leads us to make choices that don't honor ourselves. People can sense our desperation. The kinds of people who are attracted to a desperate person will only hurt you in the end. The best way to break the desperation pattern is to take time off from dating and get centered with yourself. Get clear about what you want in a mate including physical and personality qualities. Create your list of what you want in a mate, but be open to what God sends you. Your ideal mate may show up with most of your desired personality qualities, but not with the desired physical characteristics.
We have made New Year's about partying, but I believe that it is really about the individual. A wonderful way to celebrate New Year's Eve is to reflect back on what you have accomplished, what you are grateful for, ways that you have grown, and lessons that you have learned from the outgoing year. You can think about what you want to experience in the upcoming year on a personal level. The best way to get so much out of this reflection is to focus on experiences that you enjoyed and find helpful lessons in some of your unpleasant experiences. The key is to recognize and acknowledge that you have grown as a person during the past year. Avoid the temptation to think solely about your unpleasant experiences and believe that you will get more of the same in the new year. Many more opportunities are ahead for you. Focus on the opportunities and possibilities ahead for you instead of thinking about what you wanted to happen that didn't.
Start the new year on a note of hope, trust and faith for an even better year for you as a person. Be open to all the wonderful ways that opportunities will appear in your life. Know that you are the co-creator of your life. Through your thoughts and words, only think about what you want to experience. Get in touch with your instincts and have the courage to go where they lead you. The holidays can be a wonderful, joyous time of the year, even if you are single. Remember you always have a choice in how you think about every circumstance. Being single can be an opportunity to connect with yourself or it can be a miserable, hopeless situation. Choose wisely.
Affirmations: I am always surrounded by love. I choose to be happy about my life.
Copyright©2006 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved