Ready for a new challenge? Make a vow to eliminate "should" from your life. Stop telling yourself what you should do. At one time or another, we find ourselves scolding ourselves for not doing what we should do. We should call our parents more often. We should exercise more. We should eat healthier. We should spend less money. We should go back to school. We should ask for a raise. We should be more talkative and friendly. You get the idea about all the things that we tell ourselves that we should do.
"Should" is a powerful, yet negative word. It implies that we have no choices in life. We must do what we have been led to believe we must do. Spiritual self help author, Louise L. Hay points out that most of our "shoulds" come from other people. Beginning in childhood, we have accepted other people's ideas about what we should be doing. Think about all the opinions, rules, ideas and advice that you have gotten from parents, teachers, bosses, friends, family, experts and the media about how to live your life. We have lost touch with our needs and wants as our minds have become overloaded with other people's ideas. We are living up or down to what somebody else says we should want or do. Very few of our "shoulds" comes from us.
When we live in the world of our "shoulds", we get caught up in a daily ritual of scolding and berating ourselves when we neglect to do something. It is difficult to love and accept ourselves when we are scolding ourselves. "Should" leads us to form negative conclusions about ourselves and who we are. If you neglect to call your parents regularly, then you conclude that you are bad person. If you neglect to clean your bathroom, you judge yourself as lazy or messy. Judging ourselves as wrong eats away at our self esteem. It is difficult to feel good about ourselves and even trust ourselves to take risk and make decisions when we are constantly scolding ourselves.
Our list of "shoulds" always makes us wrong or not good enough. Louise L. Hay teaches that we usually neglect to do what we should because we really don't want to do it. We never really wanted to do it in the first place. The longer our list of "shoulds", then the worse we feel about ourselves.
We can break the power of "should" in our lives. Make a list of everything that you tell yourself that you should want, do or have. For each item, is this what you really want? Do you really need to do this? Does this action support you in a positive way? Think about where you got your "should" idea from. Take a look at each item on your list and ask yourself what you want instead of this.
When I began working with my "shoulds," I found that most of my "shoulds" were not coming from me. They were expectations from other people. I had imposed these expectations on myself without even realizing it. For example, I realized that I had been scolding myself for not keeping my desk organized and clutter-free. I believed I was lazy, disorganized and messy. I had listened to organizing experts and feng shui consultants who advise keeping your desk organized and clutter free as a way of keeping your mind free of mental clutter and working more efficiently. I believed that I was wrong because I was not following their advice. Later, I understood that I had no interest in organizing my desk. I stopped scolding myself and accepted the fact that my natural inclination is to create piles. It is okay if my desk is not clutter free. I am still very productive, even if my desk is not clutter free.
Take control of your life back from "should." Only commit to doing what you want to do and believe is necessary to do. Pay attention when a "should" pops up. Think about if this is truly something that you want to do. Louise L. Hay suggests that you rewrite each "should" into a "could." By doing this, it helps you to realize that you have a choice in deciding what action to take in your life. See Louise's book, You Can Heal Your Life to learn more about eliminating "should" from your life.
Affirmations: I am the one and only authority in my life. I choose to live my life on my terms.
Copyright©2007 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved