Recently, I found myself resisting a change that I believed I needed to make. I was delaying taking any action. I was miserable being in my current awkward emotional place, but I still felt stuck and unable to take any action. What was holding me back?
After some soul searching, I realized that I had already judged making a change as a negative. I had already told myself that better days were not ahead, even if I accepted this change. I had created lose-lose situation within my mind.
In reality, I had no idea what the future would bring me. If I moved forward and made the change, I could be opening myself up to more joy and opportunities. I simply could not foresee all the opportunities and possibilities that lie ahead for me if I allowed myself to move onto a new path. I needed to get out of the way by taking action.
We get stuck because we judge change as bad. We tell ourselves that no good will come from making a change, which creates an uncomfortable state of limbo. We know we need to move on from where we are at, but we fear moving on into something new. We have already convinced ourselves that a new path will be unpleasant. We are keeping ourselves stuck in this neverland of unhappiness.
To get unstuck, we have to learn how to keep an open mind about what is going to happen next. It is easier said than done. This is the thing: We can never really judge or foretell what is going to happen in the future, based on our past experiences. We can never know ahead of time all the powerful ways that life can work for us and create opportunities. An experience may start off rough and unpleasant, but it may become the sweetest experience we have ever known. We can never know exactly how an experience will turn out for us or what it will bear for us. Appearances can be deceiving, so we have to really develop our courage and trust that every experience will always benefit us.
All of our judgments come from our past experiences and how we judge the experiences of others. If you have concluded that your past experiences with change were difficult and unpleasant, then you are going to be more resistant to make a change now. If you have to return to doing something that was difficult for you, then you will be apprehensive about doing the same thing again. You assume that your future experience will mirror your past experience. You are allowing your past to define your present and future experiences. You are not allowing yourself to be free of the past.
If you know people who have tried to change without success, then you may conclude that you will not be successful either. You are allowing other people's experiences to determine your experiences. Every single person is unique; therefore, other people's experiences may not be the same for you. As a society, we must learn to stop looking to other people experiences as a measure of what could happen to us. We must learn to be willing to create our own unique experiences.
We need to get our egos out of the way if we want to get unstuck. Our ego loves to judge and evaluate everything based on the past and how circumstances appear to be. Our ego sees the world in limited terms: Everything is either good or bad without any middle ground. Experience has shown me that life operates more in the middle, so nothing is ever completely good or bad. There is always a mixture of both elements in our experiences.
As you go about getting unstuck, challenge yourself not to jump to any conclusions about the next phase of your life. When you find yourself reaching conclusions, gently remind yourself that you are going to be open to whatever happens next. You really have no idea what kind of experience lies ahead. Remind yourself to trust that you can handle your future experience. You will benefit and grow from your future experience.
When you find yourself thinking about all the possible unpleasantness that comes with making a change, stop yourself. Remind yourself of all the wonderful and great experiences that you could have with making a change. In other words, balance the negative self talk with some positive self talk. We tend to think more about what we don't want to happen instead of what we do want to happen. Keep shifting your thoughts away from what you don't want to what you do want as a way of keeping yourself grounded and open to all possibilities.
If you have had bad experiences in the past, remind yourself that this is a new day in your life. You are not the same person and your life is really different now, even if it appears similar as in the past. As a different person, you really do have different options and possibilities than you did before. Even if you face an unpleasant experience similar to what you experienced in the past, you will respond to it differently. You have grown and become wiser now. You have a different, even greater understanding of your circumstances than you had previously.
Trust life. It is difficult to trust life because we see suffering and hear tales of other people's misfortune everyday. Personally, I made a choice not allow images and stories about suffering and misfortune to come into my life. I no longer watch news reports or read newspapers. I choose to focus on stories of people who are triumphing and enjoying life. The more triumphant stories that I hear, I can trust life easier. I can believe that more positive, enjoyable experiences are in store for me. I am living in less fear of some unforeseen or unexpected misfortune happening to me.
Get in touch with the possibility of positive experiences. Keep reminding yourself of the pleasant possibilities and less about the unpleasant possibilities. Trust yourself to know that you can handle whatever happens next. Resist judging any of your experiences--past, present or future. When you make a judgment, remind yourself that the experience is neither good nor bad. It is simply an experience that is without judgment. Adopt a wait-and-see-what-happens attitude instead of telling yourself that you know what will happen before you even begin an experience.
Copyright©2007 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved