If we want to be happier with our lives, then we need to be willing to change the way we perceive our lives. We have to be willing to change the way we think about our circumstances, even before our circumstances actually change. Whatever situations we find ourselves dealing with are really opportunities to learn in disguise. When we reach the understanding that our circumstances are our teachers, we can shift from pity to hope. We are not being punished for something we did or did not do. We simply have an opportunity to learn how to live differently and how to love ourselves more.
For the nearly two years, I have been dealing with my neighbors who tend to be noisy during my prime sleeping hours. After complaining to them and management, not very much changed. They simply took a more passive-aggressive approach, which was lower their noise while intentionally stomping and walking very heavy as a way to be disruptive. I had done all I could to change the situation, but the situation persisted. What was this situation trying to teach me?
Here's what I learned: I had to stop giving so much of my emotional energy to my neighbors and their behaviors. I had to learn how to love them instead of hate them. I had to bless them and see them as valuable teachers who were here to serve me instead of view them as petty nuisances. I had to shift my thoughts away from complaining about their behavior to more peaceful, joyful thoughts that were completely unrelated to them. The more I thought about them and condemned their behavior, I was actually encouraging more of that behavior. I was strengthening my mental connection with them by thinking about them regularly. I had to let them go and turn my thoughts over to the kind of experiences that I really wanted to have. I challenged myself to let go of the disruptive neighbor stories and think more about my earlier experiences with quiet, peaceful neighbors. I had to have faith that my circumstances would change for the better.
I forgave them. I realized that their passive-aggressive behavior was the best way that they knew how to respond to my complaints. It was their way of expressing their anger. I believed that they had better, more adult ways to respond to me, but I had to let go of my judgments against my neighbors. I had to accept them and their passive-aggressive ways unconditionally. The more I judged and evaluated their behavior, the more energy I was giving to them. It was time for me to use my energy on creating what I wanted and learn to love myself more unconditionally.
Our experiences are creating opportunities for us to grow. Often, we tell ourselves that our circumstances need to change before we can be happy. If we cannot change our circumstances, then what do we do? Often, our circumstances may be beyond our control. We cannot control other people as much as we try to do so. When we reach the point of realizing that we cannot change our circumstances, then we need to change how to respond and react to our circumstances. We have to change ourselves, our thoughts, and our beliefs as the first step to eventually rising above our circumstances.
Until we learn how to shift our perception of our circumstances, we will find ourselves dealing with similar circumstances again. We have to realize that we have to change and when we do change, our circumstances will shift. We will be able to see the benefits of our circumstances and actually use our circumstances to our advantage. Every circumstance, no matter how painful or annoying, shows up to benefit us. The circumstance is not going to change or go away until we change.
There is no need to curse our circumstances. See them as opportunities to learn. If you are dealing with similar circumstances from your past, realize that you did not learn what you needed from them. Vow to learn from your circumstances this time around and see the powerful shifts that occur in your life. As you shift your perception, your circumstances may not change immediately. You have to strengthen your trust and faith that your circumstances will improve. You may not know exactly when or how everything will work out.
Notice I am not saying that you should not speak up for yourself when someone else is violating your rights or annoying you in some way. It just is not wise for us to link our happiness and peace of mind with somebody else's actions. Even if the person does not change their behavior, your happiness always rests within you. You can be happy, even as you face the most difficult circumstances of your life. What you think about and how you react to your circumstances is the key to your happiness.
What are ways for you to react to your circumstances? See your circumstances as fertile opportunities to learn something that will improve your life. Pay attention to how you treat yourself. What are you saying to yourself and thinking about yourself in relation to your circumstances? Are you blaming and criticizing yourself? Are you telling yourself that you do not deserve any better? Are you telling yourself that you are hopelessly stuck? Shift your thoughts away from blame and criticism to self acceptance and love. Remind yourself that you are doing your best. As you learn more, you will do even better. Tell yourself that you have the ability to survive this circumstance and overcome it. Challenge yourself to find out how you can use your present circumstances to your benefit. What good can you take away from it and apply to your life? How can you use this situation to love and accept yourself unconditionally? How can you use this situation to value yourself more?
Understand that we are never victims of our circumstances. Remind yourself that you have options, many of which will be revealed to you. Be willing to learn and grow from your circumstances.
Pay attention to how much of your time you are devoting to thinking and talking about your circumstances. Challenge yourself to think less about your circumstances each day. Whenever you are thinking and talking about your circumstances, stop yourself and shift to something more pleasing.
Let your circumstances help you to love and accept others unconditionally. Often, we are only willing to accept others as long as they are doing what we want them to do. We can love and accept others, even if we find their behavior annoying. I tell myself that other people are doing what they believe they have to do. There is no right or wrong involved. I do not allow myself to judge their behavior as being cruel, childish, mean or petty because my judgments only make me feel angrier and more powerless. The key to unconditional acceptance is to learn not to judge and just accept other people, even if you disagree with their behavior. Bless others because people are doing the best they know how.
Your circumstances are waiting for you to change before they will change. Once you change how you respond and even think about them, you will find that circumstances begin to resolve themselves with or without any further action on your part. Once you stop allowing yourself to be a victim of your circumstances, you can reclaim your personal power. You can see that there is hope for the future. You are not your circumstances and they are not you. You can get to the business of figuring out what your circumstances are trying to teach you and move on with your life.
Copyright©2007 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved