If you are wishing for a different life than the one that you already have, then you are multiplying your misery. Wishful thinking implies that our current life is hopelessly broken. We wish we had the perfect parents and childhood. We wish that we had the perfect education, so that we could have moved into the perfect career and earn the perfect salary that would allow us to afford everything that we ever wanted in life. We wish that we had met and fell in the love with the perfect mate instead of the one that we have now or the one that we had in the past. We wish that we had lived segments of our adult lives differently so that we could have experienced a better life. We wish that we had not experienced certain painful experiences in the past.
Wishing does not help us to see the perfection that exists with how our lives have unfolded up to this point. Wishful thinking keeps us filled with regret and emotionally locked in the past. We cannot go back and change the past. Our challenge is to learn to accept what is instead of what could have been. If we spend our time wishing we had a different life, then we are neglecting our present life. We can do something about the present. Wishful thinking about the past builds up anger and resentment. We feel more like a powerless, helpless victim trapped in an undesirable life.
Understand that everything happens for a reason. All of our experiences are for our highest good, even if we didn't get what we wanted. Everything that happens to us is giving us a wonderful opportunity to learn a powerful, valuable lesson about life and ourselves. We grow stronger and wiser from our experiences. The idea of deadends, wasted opportunities or wasted years of living are simply myths. We learn from all of our experiences. Every experience and circumstance within our lives has a greater purpose that will ultimately benefit us. Our life circumstances are our teachers. The people who came into our lives were our teachers, even if their lessons were unpleasant to bear. The key to getting the benefits or understanding the purpose of our experiences is accepting what is instead of what should be.
We may have been under the illusion that our lives have to be perfect in every way. We are living up to someone else's definition of perfection. If we buy into that idea of perfection, then we are creating a great deal of emotional pain for ourselves. This way of thinking makes us wrong and our lives just wrong. We cannot do more with our lives and do more with ourselves if we have an underlying belief that we are wrong or our lives are wrong.
We often see life as a high stakes game where our choices or circumstances can put us on or off the path of the perfect, happy life. We believe that the decisions we make can either put onto the path of that perfect, happy life or lead us away from it. In other cases, we believe that our life circumstances can open or block our chance to get onto the happy, perfect life path. This type of thinking limits your life options and possibilities.
Life is not about winning or losing. We are always winning, even we have endured a painful life. Life is not about perfection. There is no such thing as a perfect life. Life is about trial and error. You make choices with what you understand about yourself and life in general. You are here to experience and work through different circumstances. A difficult or unpleasant circumstance is not a death sentence to happiness--it is an opportunity for you to learn and grow as you work your way through it.
When we get emotionally caught up in what-should-have-been thinking, we fall into the trap of regret over our past choices. As you get older and wiser, you will learn more about who you really are, what you really want and more about life in general. Naturally, you will outgrow some of your earlier choices and want to make new choices. It does not mean that those earlier choices were totally wrong. It simply means that you are ready to move away from an earlier choice.
We may become angry when we realize that we have outgrown some of our earlier choices. We may feel angry and trapped by our earlier choices and their consequences. We may not believe we can make new choices that can take us to a new path. We may be too afraid to make new choices because it means letting go of something we are familiar with, even if it is miserable. Letting go means taking a big risk when we are not sure of ourselves or what will happen in the future. We may also believe that we have missed our chance or opportunity to move onto a new path. Nothing ever holds you back in life. A circumstance or predicament may appear to be standing in your way, but you just have to trust that you will eventually find a way to get past an obstacle. The answers of how will come to you when you are strong enough to recognize that answer and take action.
Until you have reached the point where you are ready to work beyond your obstacles in life, you will have greater peace if you accept what is. We cannot change our circumstances no matter how much wishful thinking we do. Being angry will not change our circumstances, either. We have to accept our circumstances and make peace with them. Figure out how our circumstances are creating new opportunities and benefits for us instead of cursing them.
As we work with what is, it is wise to understand that every circumstance is truly blessing. Our circumstances never are a punishment. We will be blessed as a result of dealing with certain circumstances. Our job is not to judge our circumstances and our lives as wrong and bad. Our circumstances are simply what they are--it is always up to us to make the most out of every experience or circumstance. We are never helpless, powerless victims of our circumstances.
Circumstances do not define your life. I know our culture gives us conflicting messages about circumstances. We are told that anybody can pull themselves up from poverty if they are willing to work hard and take advantage of the opportunities available to them. If you cannot overcome your circumstances, you get the idea that somehow you are inadequate or that you have failed yourself in some way. Just as our culture tells us that we can rise above our circumstances, it also places obstacles in the way of people who have the least amount of money and education. These obstacles do not mean that a person cannot rise up-they simply make the journey a little more challenging. Most people do not stick it out and fight their way over the obstacles. They simply give up in defeat and lose all hope for a better life. In the end, they feel like failures when they really are not.
Everybody has to deal with different life circumstances. Our circumstances are here to teach us something instead of trap or defeat us. Your life could have started out poor and hopeless, but it doesn't mean that you have a life sentence of more of the same. Your circumstances are here to strengthen your will and help you find a creative way to get what you want out of life. There is no one right way to live your life or achieve whatever you want to achieve in life. You must be willing to find and create your own way based on whatever your life circumstances.
We always have the power to rise above our circumstances. It might appear that our circumstances hold us back, but we have the choice to always believe that we can rise above them. We may not know exactly how right now, but if we keep believing, we will find a way. When we give up hope, then our circumstances will get the best of us.
Understand that there are no good or bad experiences. Life is filled with just experiences. We get into trouble when we label them as either good or bad. Either/or thinking always creates trouble for us. Everything is simply an experience for us to learn and grow as people. Our most painful, humiliating experiences are simply here to teach us something. Understand that some experiences will carry lifelong consequences that we must deal with each day, but understand that even these experiences are here to benefit us. Life is not against us. We are not being punished us because we are wrong or bad. We are simply students in life who are learning through our experiences.
Copyright©2007 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved