What are your worries? Fear of losing your job? Fear of losing your home? Fear of being alone? Fear of failing? Fear of going broke? Fear of getting sick? How much of your day do you spend worrying? If you worry a lot, your days probably are not very fun or peaceful. We can learn to have greater inner peace.
If we dig a little deeper inside our worries, we will notice that fear is the root of worry. We fear not being good enough. We dread losing our stability. We fear facing the unknown. We fear any one of our basic human needs will go unmet--love, food, shelter, companionship, financial stability, and so on. We fear that we will not be able to take care of ourselves and meet our needs. We fear that we will be unable to handle the next course of events within our lives. We dread the prospect of pain and struggle. We naturally assume that our lives will be worse off if our worries come to fruition.
Worry comes from our sense of helplessness and powerlessness to direct our lives where we want or to prevent certain circumstances from befalling upon us. We become very fearful when we remind ourselves of all the terrible misfortune that could happen to us. Every time we expose ourselves to fearful ideas from the media and entertainment world, we are adding to our fears. Hearing about someone else's struggles and woes also feeds our worries. Cut off the source of fearful ideas. Do we really need to know about all the bad things going on in the world? Do we need to be told how the world is so dangerous? Do we need to hear all the stories of human suffering and cruelty? We can stop allowing those ideas to come into our mind. We really do not need to know what is going on out there. Our focus should be on what is going on within our lives.
Distrust is also hidden within worry. We may not trust and believe that our circumstances always benefit us, even if they are initially painful. We tell ourselves that we have to be in control of our lives, so that we can better protect ourselves. The reality is that we are never in control, but we do a pretty good job of convincing ourselves that we are in control. As we face a greater number of events and circumstances beyond our control, our worry grows out of control. We thought we had everything under control, but then something unexpected happens. We are not sure that we will know how to handle this unexpected circumstance. We believe that circumstances are meaningless instead of beneficial to us. We tell ourselves that pain and suffering are ahead instead of new opportunities. The more we try to control our lives, we actually create more worry.
The fear that creates the worry also comes from scarcity thinking. We have heard messages of how there is not enough of whatever we desire for every person. There is not enough love for everybody seeking it. There is not enough wealth or success. We believe we have limited options and opportunities within our lives, so we try to fiercely hold on to whatever we have. We believe that someone has to lose for us to get what we want or we have to lose for others to get what they want. We have accepted these limiting thoughts as our truth. Scarcity thinking makes us believe that if we lose what we have now, then we will be left empty-handed.
How can we live in a modern, complex society and not worry so much about what might happen next? Truth be told, we cannot change what goes on in the world, but we can change our reaction and perception of it. In my humble experience, here is what I have learned about how to ease worry:
To ease our worries, we have to learn to trust life. We will always benefit from every experience, even if it creates difficulty for us. We will find a way to work through the difficulty. Our lives can actually be better off after we have experienced the circumstance that we feared the most. Our difficulties always create blessings for us, if we can open our eyes to that possibility. Opportunity always comes with every circumstance. We are too busy feeling angry or sorry for ourselves to even discover the opportunity. All we can see is what we are losing and how this loss is creating difficulty. Whatever difficulty we face is only temporary. An opportunity for us to improve our lives exists on the other side of the difficulty. We can and will survive every circumstance we find ourselves in.
Easing our worries means letting go of the need to be in control. We set goals to accomplish. We declare our intentions of what we want to have and experience in our lives. We tell ourselves that if we follow the rules that society tells us then we will get what we want. We fool ourselves into believing that we are in complete control of external circumstances, but we are not in reality. We allow ourselves to become emotionally attached to getting the outcomes that we want. As circumstances changes and the unexpected happens, we start to worry if we will get what we want. If it takes too long to get what we want, then we worry. If we notice that others are getting what we want ahead of us, we wonder if there will be any opportunities left for us.
If we can learn to practice nonattachment, then we can ease our worries and give up the illusion of being in control. Nonattachment means declaring our intention and then letting it go. We are not worrying about the details of how, when and where. We make peace with getting what we want or not getting it. We understand that if we do not get what we want, it is not a loss. It is for our highest good that we did not get what we wanted. We have no anxiety about getting what we want or not getting it. We know and trust that our best interests are being met, regardless of the outcome. We are at peace with whatever outcome. We defer to the Creator's wisdom concerning our lives.
Worry can be a useful tool because it lets us know that we are thinking about what we do not want. When we are entertaining thoughts of worry, we are actually thinking about what we do not wish to experience. We are always attracting our experiences with our thoughts. Whatever we give our attention to and really focus on, we are inviting those circumstances into our lives. Focus on what you want to happen in your life instead of what you do not want.
We can re-train our minds to focus on what we want and to shift away from thoughts of what we do not want. When you find lingering thoughts of worry in your mind, stop yourself. Sometimes what we worry about happening is very unlikely to happen. When you are worrying, ask yourself, "Why do I think this could happen to me? Would I survive if it did happen? Why do I fear this so much? Where is this fear coming from? Is this my fear or someone else's? If the worse happened, would I be able to pick up the pieces and move on with my life?" The answers to these questions will reveal that you have the ability to survive and overcome anything. When faced with difficulty, you might be surprised at how courageous and creative you can be to work through the situation. Never doubt yourself and your reservoir of untapped abilities and talents.
Stop comparing your life experience with those of others. When we hear stories about other people's struggles and misfortune, we fear that those same circumstances could happen to us. Each person is here to live a unique life. Just because somebody else is going through a difficult time, it does not mean that you are in store for the same fate. Everybody has life lessons to learn through their life experiences. We can never really know what lessons other people need to learn or what we need to learn. We cannot assume that we have the same life lessons to learn as others and will experience the same experiences that they endure.
No matters what happens to us in life, we are survivors. We will find a way to pick up our lives and move on. We may need to be more creative and open to different ideas, but we will find a way to get our lives moving again. Sure, there will probably be some emotional highs and lows, but we can handle these times. Going through difficulty will help us to learn more about ourselves. We will have to tap into our new parts of our personalities that we did not know existed. We will get to see how creative we can be and how resilient we can be.
Worry is reminding us to trust and believe in ourselves. We can handle whatever comes into our lives. We are never being punished for what we did or did not do. Our experiences are never about being lucky or unlucky. Life is never trying to deny us of our happiness. Life is not singling us out for misery while giving joy to other people. Life is always blessing us with new opportunities to grow, if we are open to receiving those opportunities. What may start out as a nightmare can and will turn into a blessing. You never really need to worry. You will find a way to take care of yourself and get what you need in life. You just have to be open to pursuing new ways of living.
Copyright©2008 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved