Have you forgiven yourself yet for all the wrong choices and mistakes you believe that you have made? I had to ask myself this question after listening to a friend express feelings of regret about some of her life choices, which have not been successful. Whenever we believe that we have made bad choices or errors in judgment, it is time to forgive ourselves. We need to strengthen our faith and trust in ourselves again so that we can be empowered to make future decisions for ourselves. Forgiving ourselves is key to rebuilding our trust within ourselves.
When our lives hit a low point, we easily fall into blaming ourselves. We must have done something wrong. We must not be good enough to get what we want. We made a mistake. In short, we blame ourselves and hold ourselves completely responsible for our current, unhappy circumstances.
We can see no good coming out of our lowest moments. We tell ourselves that we always have a right or wrong option for every decision we have to make. If we pick the right option, then our lives will flourish. If we pick the wrong option, then we will suffer. This right or wrong thinking can only create regret and misery, if our circumstances take a down turn. We will immediately blame ourselves for making the wrong choice since our suffering is the indicator that the other choice was actually the right one.
We are putting too much responsibility and pressure on ourselves when we tell ourselves that we are totally responsible for how our lives have turned out up to this point. It is true that we make choices that have consequences with them. In the past as we considered our options, each choice held a different set of consequences, but we can never really know for sure if other choices would have yielded better consequences than the choices we made.
We need to forgive ourselves for doing the best that we could at the time. We made our choices with the best understanding that we had at the time. Now, we have the gift of hindsight--we can clearly see the bigger picture of our situation. We probably would make a different choice if posed with the same situation, based on what we have learned through our experience. The key word is experience. We had to live through the experience to learn and gain a better understanding of what we needed and what the situation called for. We could not have known this information without having experienced the situation.
When it comes to decision-making, it is wise to learn how to stop setting ourselves up for blame by reminding ourselves that neither choice is right or wrong. Each choice has its own set of emotional highs and lows with it. It would be cruel if life was set up with just only one right choice and we had no real way of knowing which choice was right or wrong. The best that we can ever do is make the best choice with what we understand about ourselves, our needs and life in general. Over time, our understanding of ourselves and our needs will grow and change, so naturally we would probably make different choices now based on who we are today. Which is why it is pointless to mentally go back over decisions that you made in the past. Of course, you would make a different choice now because you are a different person now, even if you are unaware that you have changed and grown.
Blame gets us nowhere. Disappointment, anger and frustration are signals that we need to forgive ourselves. We need to remind ourselves that we were doing the best that we could. We need to stop holding ourselves up to an unrealistic standard of perfection. We need to stop judging our past choices and actions as either right or wrong. Our choices create experiences, which are nothing more than learning opportunities. Success is never guaranteed. All of our experiences are opportunities to learn something about ourselves. Instead of blaming ourselves, we could be honoring and celebrating the fact that we survived difficult, unpleasant situations. We were strong and resilient enough to find a way to survive in the face of difficulty. We also have the opportunity to celebrate the brave choices that we made in the past, even if the outcomes were not what we desired.
Wherever you are in your life, you have to count on yourself to move forward. If you are stuck blaming and resenting yourself, then you are tearing yourself down. How can you count on yourself if you are busy tearing yourself down? Forgiveness helps you to become whole again and trust yourself again. It is wise that we learn to love and accept ourselves, regardless of the outcome of our actions and choices. You are lovable, even if you believe you have made a misstep. Allow yourself room to grow, which means that sometimes you might be disappointed with your life circumstances. Set yourself up for greater peace of mind by reminding yourself that every choice you face will have its own set of highs and lows. The pressure is never on to pick the one and only right choice.
Copyright©2008 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved