We have all questioned why certain circumstances happen to us. A recent conversation with a friend who totaled his car in an accident reminded me of the futility of questioning why things happen. My friend wondered why he felt the burning desire to travel on that fateful day of the accident. If only he had stayed home, he reasoned that he would still have his car instead of now relying on public transportation. Going through the what-if thoughts and feelings of regret has not changed the circumstances--the accident happened and it cannot be undone. I advised my friend to let it go and accept that there is a bigger reason why he had the accident and lost his car, which will become apparent to him at some future point.
Asking why does not help us move on. It only creates more misery and prolongs the mourning of whatever we have lost. We do not need to understand why something happened right now to move on. It is an illusion that we tell ourselves that we need answers to why so that we can feel better and move on. We may never find the answers or sometimes, it takes years for us to see the bigger picture of why something happened and understand how it was actually a blessing to us.
Recently I heard a parable that illustrates how we can never understand why something happens at the time. Only with time does the bigger picture reveal why and how we benefit from our circumstances. The parable presents us with poor parents who have a son. As a young man, this son represents his family's best hope for generating income to help them to become more financially stable. Tragically, the son is thrown off a horse and becomes paralyzed. Everyone is heartbroken as their dreams have gone up in smoke. Now the parents must take care of the son who was supposed to take care of them. Months later, the family learns that all healthy, able-bodied young men are being drafted into the military. When the military arrives in town to pick up its new recruits, this family's son gets spared the possibility of going off to war because of his paralysis. A tragedy actually turned into a blessing. A loss can turn into a wonderful gain.
The challenge for us is to learn how to believe and trust that all our experiences are benefiting us in some way. We do not need to know and understand exactly how the experience is supporting us at this moment to believe that we are getting a blessing from it. This is where trust comes into play. Despite the pain that our circumstances may create for us, it is wise to remind ourselves that these circumstances are somehow serving us in a way that has not revealed itself yet. We do not need to feel like helpless victims of our circumstances when we are really victorious survivors. There is no need to blame ourselves for what we think we did or neglected to do which could have created the undesirable circumstances.
Blaming ourselves does not serve us in any way. We simply have to learn to accept what happened and find a way to move on. Just because we are going through some difficult experiences does not mean that we let ourselves down. We have to remember that we have rely on ourselves. If we have a poor opinion of ourselves, then trusting ourselves to make future choices will prove more difficult. We have to believe in ourselves and trust ourselves, regardless of what circumstances happen to us. Life is not about blame. Life is always about acceptance--accept what happened and be open to how the experience will serve us.
The next time you find yourself asking why something happened that has created so much pain for you, stop yourself from going any further. Gently remind yourself that your experiences are a source of blessings. In the beginning, there may be difficulty and pain involved, but the blessing will emerge at some point. Be alert and ready for your blessings to emerge instead of wallowing in regret about what was lost. Remind yourself that you do not need to know the answers to why to move on. Realize that knowing why will not lessen your pain or change the facts of what has happened. The best advice is to allow yourself to mourn what has been lost, be grateful that you had time to experience whatever you lost and resist blaming anybody for what has happened. Find peace in knowing that life has blessed you in a powerful way, even if you have not figured it out yet.
Copyright©2009 Jeannine Robinson All Rights Reserved